Descent Apple Core

It still is the case that my essence is clouds and clouds away from daily existence,

The cloud carpet that my soul inhabits take quite a bit of time to exercise itself... often times the plants can help bring it out,, but even hours after leaving people's presence, the unique mixtures of egos and egos and egos... ideas and presumptions... keeps the cloud that holds my heart and soul a long way away from my mind and body (and actual enactment)...

Ego, hormones, stress...

Presumptions and false shames---

Presenthood--- is an odd place when it is a language not understood by ones kin and tribe.

But the tribe is ever expanding, and presenthood is always there. haven't yet found that medititation--- and often mix it up with coffee/// seratonin highs... but ce la vie.

Reactions

Traveling....
how guided can I be by feeling.
The feeling one gets from a place.

And then.. from the other folks in that space. The electricity of this coffee shop dizzies me--- unsettling-- unfocusing..

Where-as -- last night-- the great relaxation from encountering the great hemlock trees i would sleep beneath. -- yet, after a short walk, i sped out of there this morning to check the Market --

I am one who searches out always new-- new things. new spaces to meet -- and to sleep.

how is it i can want to build. Build? How does a nomad construct a worthy architecture?

hmmm.

focus... on-- flux of energy-- change of seasons--- running water. plants experiences difference and metamorphosis. Close to nomadism? --- bringing in folks to live with and exchange with for different sets of time. hmmm. and children i suppose.. who are continents into themselves.



When is music (as good as) a forest.




When you're in a GM cornfield/ ? (suburban). sub.

Robber barons....

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/public-enemies-run-not-rob-our-banks?pagenumber=2

....Do this and "we will see an economic life closer to our biological environment: smaller companies, richer ecology, no leverage -- a world in which entrepreneurs, not bankers, take the risks and companies are born and die every day without making the news. In other words, a place more resistant to black swans."....

Wow... even in marketwatch.com stock market site. Nicely said. :-) Capitalist, but with spirit. mm.

My two cents on the Econ. as of July 2009

From my perspective educated as a critic of Growth Economics, schooled in regional ecological experiments in sustainability, I assume the economy will continue to "shrink". By this I mean that economic data will be less suitable as an all-purpose benchmark to describe American Life. This of course is inevitable from a "sustainabilist" perspective. Capitalism typically attempts to delay this shrinking by going to war (taken from Marcuse's idea from the 1950's), playing with currency valuations and trade barriers, subsidizations and incentives.

Now, as a new player in the stock market, where the rules are changing, and even whether the dollar with soon be over- or under-valued, I find myself betting against myself often enough. The rule bending and suspending that high-banking and high-business folks have specialized in has convinced even me.

However, it seems more and more true that American life is going to soon look much more like the rest of the world.

In these ways:

People will live at home longer as youth, and older parents with their children (to save money).
It will be less likely that both parents will work if at all possible (for lack of jobs).
People will move less because there will be less opportunities anywhere and everywhere for growth and people shuffling. This will cause less "cookie-cutter" homes to be built, so although homes will be more expensive to buy (because they will be a majority of custom homes if new) renting may go down.

This will slowly affect almost all sectors of the economy. Transportation.., energy.., education..- maybe not.

Hmmm.

Discussion

lost/other random discussion
- - - - - --- - - -

How shallow is your ego?
How much can you achieve, without having continual reinforcement for your ego?


I fear for myself, very little.

Or perhaps, my ego is weighing me down.
The addiction to jogging my ego's muscles prevents me from focus, and the more i jog those muscles, the more they desire it, and the more distracted I become.

Does happiness come into this picture?

What does this have to do with teaching?
or with providing apprenticeships?

How can one be a good teacher without involving their ego?

How can one maintain a healthy ego without involving it in their careers or other places in their lives where it doesn't belong?

Is this one of the main functions of religion?

Is it possible to keep your ego out of your sex life?

Laughing sex. Laughing teachers.

I learned this week that laughing is not a universal cure.
Mourning and laughing are by no means opposites,
Nonetheless, they occupy and flourish for different purposes.
Laughing ghosts,
mourning humans.

What is the time period needed to feel loss?
And the time period needed to register it?


At what point do we feel loss?

And empathy, what of feeling someone else's loss?

and, when its too much, to know, complex maybe-- how does the empathy intuition work ?

For myself-- i have definitely acquired a block of sorts---
possible to overload on empathy from afar---- via books/ news etc.
But heavy, present empathy-- my circuits are a bit overly defensive.

Locura

and identity.

can't say more,
reading minds,

clothes,
reading
reading and into
projecting
needing
of you
of you--
for ....?
what sort of team is this?
when did we enter this stage? and the laughter--

your hair's down,
we weren't going to talk about it,
what is business and --
business appropriate?

when did This become..........

appropriate?
This (subversion)...
for the duration of ?
the context is numbing--- thrilling-- but.

let's talk about it over lunch.
in private...
toxicated ? In. coffee, beer or poppy seed?

comprometida....

freedom and beauty is the game,
looking for investors--
in name--- selling many things in the meantime.

the city and the country

in the city i am lost.
Mixed and sorted.
available,
like a red light,
on a stage, even when alone.

maybe the camera just looks different

in the woods,
the expectations---
the wrongs--- or rights,
the social and antisocial are more balanced-- easier to set right,
it appeared to me.

the influx of availability, taps out my desire,
ultimately-- touch is centering---
something like a massive gym with dry towels, and free and welcome hugs and massages
kids running around and people watching out for them,
people laugh and nod at babies screaming (as long as it isn't dire, which it usually isn't)
I'm dreaming.
Walk out side to a green house
cool rain or bright sun,
the plants care for the people, and in kind,
the people for the soils, and the bugs, and the plants,
adrenaline,
a need-- caffeine gives me customer service,
maxed out on cheerfulness,
a paycheck-- that i struggle with
going to town to cash it in with friends--- food or cheap and fine wine
a comfortable level of intimacy---
a comfortable level of adrenaline,
-- - - of pushin'
levels and limits,
(( I'm desiring ))

...a culture with acceptable limits for many folks of different ways--- that still knows how to push us to keep our skin soft-- and yet strong.

work it out.
work it on out.

muscles
everywhere....
fine tuning,

little clocks
care
little teeth
interlacing gears
turning,
and music boxes
hidden rooms-- with yet beautiful windows---
you walk out, the trees hold you,
the cars are convenient--- but only in their place.
grass and bridges
beneath your feet.

. . . . . . . . .


tickin' time... ultimately,
saving

accumulating interest like dust on rare and expensive books,
waiting,
waiting
.
to buy, timelessness.
investment
in fruit trees, and babies' knees,
giant cypresses,
pines,
fields of corn and potatoes,
meadows of milkin' cows,
dewy feet in dewy ground.
character building on walls and wrinkles

the rush is love

(feelin' it, not sure how to show it... ) when where....