Meditations on not Dirt

Never have I so desired to be clean.

In my head, I can visual a temple. A place where I can be clean, where I have prepared to be clean.
My thoughts are a jumble. Clarity is a place.
I want a beautiful place that distracts me only in itself. It is almost all self-referencing. When I leave, life automatically references back to this place, and thus also the clarity that we cultivated there.
I love dirt. I love working and getting dirty. Work, as dirt, as soap and cleanliness have more meaning when they can be washed away.
I love spectrums, and levels. Options.
Clean, well prepared sex, and dirty necessary sex.

My thoughts are jumbled, Living in the present does not always prepare one for writing thoughts === because the present is all about responsiveness---
and long thoughts are supposed to be more immobile.

Fantasies....

Living in a motivational place--
what is that alchemy among some-- ?

how do you cultivate-- even among people you love and know dearly--- that level of "privacy" and "formality" that stimulates you both to create? [[Is this the true meaning of respect]] Looking always for the best in each other-- and hoping to inspire it as well--
as if-- there was no other way.
As if, it wasn't that either of you could possibly fail--- a game-- but also fate of sorts-- trying to impress each other--

I'm wondering if this is the true meaning of integrity--- that which our english teacher Hilsabeck asked us in 2000.
The ability to exist within the particular vacuum--- the particular microcosm and relatavistic space of your own little diety and bag of tricks-- but also inspiring and stimulating the other mythological characters (around, within and about) --
This is an interesting dream.

This is not the surrealist, psychological etc-- probing dream that i had growing up in the late 90's and early 2000's.
We all wanted to come to the ___bottom___ (or I at least especially) of our particular disorders.

We weren't particulary concerned with the Top.

This is not to say that surrealism-- and improv-- and psychology cannot exist within these realms--

I guess i've never tried to find people to be in competition with--- because i've rarely found people who knew my game-- (and I rarely knew other peoples)--
So i thought i didn't like competition.
But things are narrowing in, as they do.
Rob Brezney-- among many other wonderful friends i actually Know in Real Life.

Just keep on truckin' boy.

peace
the laughing g.

Gender and Mythology in "Counter-Culture"

I often think that one of the key factors that facilitates the crises or disassociation with Gender that I've noticed in recent history is the lack of a third gender. Another factor is the rapidity of change in all aspects of economic structures.